The Beauty of Love

 As a young girl growing to find her path in this world, one of the things that has caught my attention always is the relationship with the opposite sex. It has been quite a journey, a journey of strength, weakness, pains, dreams, fantasies and protection from God. You know how painful it is to see your peers be in romantic relationships and somehow you just know that this is not for you now, even when you desire it so much. One lesson I have learnt from God is that our desires most times can destroy us and that is why it is best we are led by the spirit of God who will not always go in the direction of your desires. 

Growing, I desired to be loved by the opposite sex. Every child has felt this at some point in their journey. God intentionally put the desire to be loved in man to serve a purpose that only him can satisfy. Now let me break it down.

Using my story as an example 

I wasn't opportune to have a complete family. My parents were never married but they had myself and my brother. How that happened is a long story I don't want to dive into now. I grew up seeing that my father wasn't responsible, I grew up seeing my mother shouldered  all the bills of the family. At some point,  when my mum couldn't take it any more, they both went their separate ways. My dad claimed he loved us, but his actions said otherwise , so it was hard for me to believe that he really loved us like he claimed. Unknowingly to me, this took a great toll on me. But in all this mess, I still desired to be loved and wanted to be married. I found this weird, because the common story I heard from people with similar experiences like mine was always their developed resentment towards anything that has to do with marriage. Their hatred for it develops so much, but mine was different and weird, so because of this I felt I was not normal, sometimes in those periods I tried resenting it so it could fit the normal story that is known. I didn't know God was writing a new story with me. God intentionally put the desire to be loved in me and that was to serve a purpose only God can satisfy. God is love, the whole essence of Christianity is love. Which makes him the best candidate to serve and teach love. At some point in this mess, I started embracing the desire to be loved and started looking earnestly for it. Sadly, I looked for it in the wrong direction for a long time. I didn't get into any relationship, but I was pained each time I didn't get into one especially with the ones I had crush on. I was pained that I felt restrained, I was pained that my desires weren't my reality, because I really thought I had good desires that were best for me. In those moments, I thought I had the right definition of how love should look like. So because my desires were wrong, my actions were definitely wrong. Again, the desire to be loved isn't bad but what is bad is the desire carved out from that desire as a result of defected knowledge of it. So when I gave my life to Christ, I felt God saying to me " let me serve you, so you will be filled". I needed to be served and taught how love should like first by God before going into it. God is teaching me that there is more to love, it is not just limited to the boyfriends and girlfriends relationships my peers had or are still having. No wonder the first thing they think about in such relationships is how to be sexually tied because they don't understand what love really is. Man doesn't understand what love is, until man is taught what love is by God. 

God shielded me from unnecessary romantic relationships so I could be served and taught first. Also in this process he assured me he was preparing his best son for me. He taught me how love should build and not destroy anyone. God's love never destroys anyone because anyone that comes in contact with God's love is always built on a solid rock, so he says to me  "that is how love should look like". Both partner are built. Well, this doesn't apply to romantic relationships alone but also other types of relationships. The fillings I get from God makes it easy for me to feed the other partner from the right source and in the right direction. Love is to serve a purpose. Any relationship that claims to have love but lacks purpose is destruction in disguise. The purpose doesn't have to be the one with the spotlight, but one with purpose like " we want to God to be reflected in this relationship". And many more, that is why questions like "why are we together? is asked" to know the purpose. The purpose of God's love is to bring us closer to him to look like him daily.

 Sometimes, your emotions will not like this because it wants the smushing part of it, but that is an emotion that is not surrendered to jesus. I lay my emotions at the feet of Jesus each time I see that it is against the will of God. 

My desire to be loved is first satisfied by God which is very infilling for me so when it's time, I can dish out from the fillings I already have, but the beauty of this is that it doesn't end, it is till eternity, so I get to be  filled always till the end.

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