DO YOU WANT SPEC OR DESTINY?

One day, I was talking to God about my feelings… and my “spec.”

I was very specific. I literally explained to Him why I wouldn’t even consider certain kinds of guys, and why some others could attract me without saying a single word. I treated it like one of my little secrets with God.

Somehow, that conversation became a rule I lived by. So in my head, any guy who didn’t meet that standard wasn’t worth my time or so I thought.

And honestly, it’s very easy to be drawn to what looks good, what glitters, what feels impressive on the surface. Meanwhile, the deeper part the real reason God even created a man to walk with a woman gets ignored or pushed aside.

I’ve always tried to stay balanced. I don’t like extremes. I try not to live on either end of the spectrum.

But Lord… this is hard to write. Topics like this are sensitive. Help me, Lord. 🙏🏽

Let me say this clearly first: God is a big part of this area of my life.

Every crush I’ve had. Every feeling I’ve felt. Every conversation with the opposite gender that even looked like it might turn into something since I became serious with God has always gone back to Him.

I don’t leave anything unchecked.

Because I know myself. I know how fast my emotions can grow deep and strong. So I intentionally guard my heart with all diligence, because out of it flow the issues of life.

I once heard someone say, “Surrender that crush to God before it crushes you.”

That thing blessed me so much. Hallelujah ✌🏽🥳

Somehow, we’ve been made to believe that conversations like this are not worth having. But I’ve come to realize something: the first step to freedom is admitting you’re dealing with something that feels bigger than you.

And the beautiful thing about God?

He’s not uncomfortable with these conversations. He doesn’t avoid them. In fact, He invites us to bring them to Him.

When I started being honest with God about this, He began teaching me things I would have completely missed if I kept playing hide-and-seek with my feelings and with Him.

One of the things He told me was this:

“Christiana, don’t beat yourself up because you desire to be loved by the opposite gender. I placed that desire there intentionally. But it’s there for a purpose,to reflect Me in love.”

That truth freed me.

I began to understand why I couldn’t afford to be careless with it. It’s sacred to God.

It was no longer just about me, my feelings, and a guy,it was also about God.

If God could take something that looks casual to people and treat it with that much importance… something that has sadly become a tool the enemy uses to destroy lives… then who am I to disregard it?

Now I know this: the only One who can truly teach love even romantic love is God.

About my spec… like I said, it became my mantra. It decided who deserved my time and who didn’t.

And God had to correct me.

He said,

“Christiana, I’m not against your spec. What I’m against is any spec that won’t love you into purpose.”

That hit me.

The moment you start choosing strictly through the lens of your spec, you enter a danger zone. That’s a loophole the enemy can easily walk through.

Because truth is, many people can meet your spec and still fail to serve you spiritually, intellectually, socially, or morally.

They may not even truly know God maybe they’re just church-goers, not Christ-followers.

That’s why we sometimes see Christian brothers and sisters especially sisters dating people they were never meant to be with in the first place.

Not because they didn’t love God, but because the “Christian” options didn’t fit their spec.

I’m not saying throw your spec away.

I’m saying don’t make it your god.

Hold it loosely.

Sometimes God gives people someone who isn’t their spec at all and they end up grateful. Some people get their spec and still glorify God. Either way, God must be praised.

Whoever God agrees to place with you, He wants the best for you.

God is not limited by your spec. He’s far bigger than that.

Even a Christianised spec can still be dangerous 

“He speaks in tongues.”

“She speaks in capital tongues.”

“He’s very prayerful.”

“He’s a pastor.”

If that alone is what guides you, the enemy can easily package someone to look like all of that just to catch your attention.

So let God lead you.

My prayer changed from,

“Lord, give me a guy that fits my spec,”

to,

“Lord, make me ready for Your best.”

That’s why, as a Christian, hearing God is not optional.

Not emotions. Not feelings. Hearing God.

This is how I practice it:

“Father, I’m here again. I have feelings for _____. I think I like him because of this and that. If this is not what You want me to pursue, take it away. Help me see him as just a brother and a friend. Thank You, Jesus.”

And somehow… I know.

I know whether God agrees with that feeling or not.

Letting go is hard, I won’t lie.

But it produces righteousness.

It’s a daily surrender. Over and over again. Until the feeling loses its grip.

And honestly, this can happen anytime, any day. What matters is what you do with it.

God doesn’t deny that we experience these things. He’s simply ready to lead those who are willing to be led.

God’s desire for love is that it reflects Him.

When love becomes only about feelings and the people involved, it turns selfish and that’s how God gets pushed out of something He was meant to be at the center of.

Love someone who will love you into purpose.

Not just someone who fits your spec.